Poor Me Thinking–the Effects of  Self-Pity

Addiction Recovery for Every IssuePoor me thinking is a negatively charged frame of mind in which people consider themselves victimized by life, fate, destiny, chance, luck or other people. It involves feeling sorry for yourself because of things that happen to you. It also can reflect your disappointment because certain things did not happen. Some common themes are:

  • I don’t have the life, relationship, job or income I want or deserve.
  • Nothing I try ever works out.
  • The world is a harsh place and I never get a break.
  • I’m in this position because people never gave me a chance.
  • People don’t understand me.
  • Other people have so much and I have nothing.
  • Why me?

A Thinking Distortion

Poor me thinking is what is known as a thinking distortion, thinking error or thought distortion. It is a pattern of thinking or mindset that has a basic erroneous premise. For example, poor me thinking is based upon mistaken beliefs that responsibility for one’s life is out of your own control. Others, the world or life in general is attributed responsibility for your happiness and success. This type of thinking abdicates personal responsibility and personal control. It leads to a sense of helplessness and hopelessness, giving up and a loss of personal power. It is self-sabotaging.

Self-Pity and Self-Sabotage

Self-pity arises from poor me thinking. You feel sorry for yourself. You also feel less than others. Self-pity can prevent us from taking charge and taking positive, diligent effort in our lives. This immobilization becomes self-sabotaging if the thinking is persistent enough. For example, we expect nothing will work out so we don’t make efforts to improve our situations, achieve desired goals or take risks in establishing the types of relationships we really want.

Finding a Sense of Empowerment

Becoming more self-responsible is the key to increasing your sense of personal power. Personal power is the ability to assert yourself in positive ways toward positive ends. It can involve healthier and more effective communication and boundaries, for instance. It can also involve setting desired goals and persisting till their completion. Also, empowerment involves a change of thinking and mindset. For instance, the credit or blame for your life situation rests in your charge. Or, the credit or blame for how you think, feel and believe becomes your choice rather than something imposed from outside yourself.